Valentine’s Day has always been more about making pretty heart shaped cards for my family and friends than planning a romantic evening with my husband. Nevertheless, the focus of this holiday makes everyone acutely aware of relationships. I’ll get right to the point: If you want to attract the right person, color is your greatest tool.
I’ve recently done color palettes for a number of men. I’m used to seeing deeply into the essence of the women I work with, but going to that place with a member of the opposite sex is different. I experienced these men in a deeper, more complex way then I ever would have in my daily interactions. I’m not sure I can put it into words, but I’ll try. The deep crystalline quality of their being sparkled. I could see their inner light become much more visible until it shone brightly on the surface. Very poetic, right? It’s hard to language this sensation, but wouldn’t you like someone to have that experience of you?
Wearing the right colors is a powerful tool for attraction. They enhance and magnify your uniqueness so you can be seen. Sure, certain hues flatter your skin tone and bring out the color of your eyes. Makeup can soften imperfections and make your features pop. But something else happens to people when they have their colors done, before they ever buy a new shirt or a tube of lipstick. One look at the colors arrayed on my desk and their sense of self is transformed.
Having done hundreds of palettes over the past twenty years, I can describe to each client the fingerprint-like qualities of their colors and how they differ from the many others variations I have seen. Those descriptive adjectives become the basis for the language of personal style. (see page 72 in Growing More Beautiful for a further explanation.) This process is a revelation for everyone, but the men seem to be thunderstruck by the very notion. The experience of being seen is that powerful.
Why make it harder for people to see you than it has to be? Wear your colors!
Here a few vignettes of how keeping your clothing ON can be a powerful enhancement to your love life.
Making a relationship stronger as you make yourself more known:
I did Baunnie’s colors for first time almost twenty years ago. In the intervening years she has brought her now ex-husband, an ex-boyfriend, as well as her sister, son, daughter and niece. These days she has a new love interest, a guy smart enough to have had his colors done (albeit by someone else) when he first started dating. When Baunnie saw his swatches they felt “off” to her, dull and muted when her new beau was interesting and lively. As part of their “courtship” I redid his palette, and discovered colors alive with contrast, vibrancy and drama. They were also strong, deep and calm; luminous, moody and complex. Doesn’t this sound like a guy you would like to know better? He told me later that it was a revelation to be able to be himself. And you can see from the photo that getting your colors done with a partner can be a sexy adventure.
Getting your colors done together is sexy
Taking a relationship to the next level:
When I first met her, Susan had very few flattering clothes due to a recent weight gain. She had recently moved in with her partner Jim, and although they enjoyed spending cozy time together at home it bothered Susan they never went anywhere. I told her that if she wore her colors when she entered a room all heads would turn, and he would really dig it. After we went shopping for new clothes, she sent me daily missives about Jim doing eye-popping double takes when she came down for breakfast in her new ensembles complete with hair and makeup. When the holidays rolled around suddenly there were lots of parties. And dinner dates.
Getting Your Mojo Back:
The changes that happen due to the passing years take the edge off just about every woman’s confidence. Settling on a drab, dull look can happen by default, as if making a self-effacing apology for still existing. There is a deep fear of not wanting to appear that one “thinks themselves attractive” when perhaps one is not. I meet many women at this low point. When I put makeup on in meltingly soft yet dramatic colors their features come back into focus. It’s as if a switch has been thrown and their allure and flirtatiousness snaps back into place. Get rid of the fear and they’re back, projecting confidence, warmth, and playfulness – all the qualities of attraction. You can tell when someone feels seen and when they don’t. It’s important to do what it takes to befriend your reflection in the mirror enough that you can be your own valentine.
Feeling the spark and knowing you control the flame:
A very nice man came to get his colors done, and the experience was so powerful for him that he asked if he could see me again for lunch or a walk with the dogs. I politely declined, knowing it was the colors that had the magic, not me. I hope he’s figured that out by now.
Part of the inspiration for this blog was redoing my brother’s Daniel’s colors. I’ve known my little brother my entire life and still I was amazed by the new insights I had about him during this process. Obviously I wasn’t attracted, but suddenly he seemed less annoying. Just kidding – I love you Bro! He’s reported some productive shopping trips since receiving his new updated palette (obviously it’s in the genes!), and I hear his wife thinks he looks hot.
If only we could surround ourselves in an aura of radiant color instead of having to shop for clothes that fit and flatter. How much easier it would be to connect with our soul mates if we were always that visible. Back here on earth, how about starting with a scarf or lipstick in your perfect red? Leave a big smooch on the face of a loved one – or on your mirror! Happy Valentine’s Day!
Save The Date:
Free Two Hour Workshop, March 14 at Hospice of Petaluma. Visit the events page for details.